No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
