what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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