go do what you do best...puke behind churches
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
