No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
