I CAN MOONWALK!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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