Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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