I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
