The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
