It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
