her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
