Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The air was thick with penises
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Randomize
