Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
