well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
