so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
