Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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