i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
my penis made a compromise with my morals
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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