Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
