I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't think brook has ever known best
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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