So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
