i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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