You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
