She said her name was "party"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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