Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
