i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
