I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
