My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
