is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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