At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
