You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
