I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
