I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize