Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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