i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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