Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
