Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
