everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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