Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
