Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
