By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
