her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
