if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
