you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
