There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
