ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
