i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
