It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
