if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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