Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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