I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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