I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
