so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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