your room smells of hookers.
And success
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
