he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
