I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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