6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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