i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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