I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
