i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
How's work?
Spinning.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
