bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
