He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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