I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
