i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
tell me about the eggs
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
