The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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