yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
